Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Long running film series are constantly looking for new ideas to seem fresh. Sometimes this means remaking or rebooting franchises, as with the Nolan-verse Batman era. Christopher Nolan’s vision however is clear from the performance of the rebooted franchise, returning to, even surpassing the quality and success of Tim Burton’s original two films Batman (1989) and Batman Returns (1992); whereas Tim Burton’s own reboot of Planet of the Apes (2001, the first film to coin the term ‘re-imagining) was mildly diverting, but ended with a utterly confusing finale and was kicked to death so thoroughly by critics that despite its financial success it itself is now being rebooted. Critically the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise has never fared too well, the first film, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003), was praised for taking a cash-cow idea (being based on a theme park ride) and creating something special, funny, full of great twists and performances. Crucially the film became financially successful and spawned two direct sequels: PotC: Dead Man’s Chest (2006) and PotC: At World’s End (2007). Both were criticised for their sprawling and nonsensical action, bewildering plot and directionless meanderings into whimsy and pseudo-philosophy, but ultimately struck a chord with audiences and the series now continues with a certain amount of spinning off in PotC: On Stranger Tides.

On Stranger Tides reunites old enemies Jack Sparrow and
Hector Barbossa.

Following the adventures of unwashed fey lothario swashbuckler Jack Sparrow, On stranger tides takes Sparrow (Johnny Depp) on a mission to the fountain of youth for some reason or another, and along the way is joined by old enemies in the form of Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), and new ones in the form of Blackbeard (A wasted Ian McShane). Penelope Cruz joins the cast, and some others take over the roles of romantic interest but honestly who cares?

McShane is wasted as hollow villain Blackbeard.

First and foremost the film is dull. So wince-inducingly dull that even Ian McShane can’t save this doomed vessel from careening into the shore. The tired script, auto-pilot performance from Depp, boring and underdeveloped romance from either Cruz/Depp or the other two who by naming them would be giving credence to their performance which they do not deserve means that the film works like a amateur fan-fiction, throwing on the screen this and that about the fountain, this and that about zombies, this and that about mermaids; but absolutely none of it seems connective. The original Pirates’ sequels may have been flawed; even poor, but they had vision, awe and a certain amount of narrative direction. On Stranger Tides is boring, by the numbers mess taking a character that was fun on the sides, but shows that the initially intriguing character of Jack Sparrow has been stretched way beyond his limits by being cast as the main character: even the screenplay saw fit to add a separate romance. Any wonder from the series has gone and what is left is tiresome exercises in cheap laughs, a reliance on Depp’s directionless performance and blind brand loyalty. If the second two sequels were comparable to the Matrix sequels (by nowhere near and good mind) with their extension of an original idea conceived initially to be one film, the closest film to PotC: On Stranger Tides is the awful noisy plot-holed follow up to 2000’s wonderful low-budget sci-fi horror Pitch Black, The Chronicles of Riddick (2004). Both took an excellent fringe character and turned them into some sort of super hero, thereby removing all heart, mystery and darkness from the performance and leaving you with two films as empty and cynical as their franchise’s continued existence.

Terry Pratchett: Choosing to Die

There’s something incredibly wrong, proposes author Sir Terry Pratchett, with a country where people who suffer from terrible afflictions, diseases and the like, are not allowed to die peacefully. Such is the subject of controversial new documentary “Terry Pratchett: Choosing to Die”.

The author, now in his sixties, has had an unbelievably productive career: creating the popular “Discworld” series and commanding an army of millions of fans worldwide and, in 2007, Terry Pratchett publicly announced that he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. In answer to the outpouring of support and sadness from his fans Sir Terry decided to take the issue head on in the BBC documentary “Terry Pratchett: Living with Alzeimer’s” and now confronts the idea of whether people who do suffer from conditions such as his should be able to choose to die.

Meeting with elderly couple The Smedleys, Pratchett begins his journey. The couple showing off their admittedly beautiful house, but also discussing the subject of husband Peter’s proposed death; the idea being that they travel to Zurich where a clinic exists to induce an assisted suicide. Peter, a sufferer of Motor Neurone Disease, chose his fate in a very matter of fact way and despite Pratchett’s support for the idea, the process visibly frightens him; ominously referring to the poison that the clients are given as “the killing draught”.

To find out more about the clinic Pratchett travels to Zurich and speaks to the company director of Dignitas, a business that provides the service, who shows him round the house where people come to die. Crammed into an industrial estate due to certain laws about the practices that go on in the little blue tin house, the place itself is oddly discomforting. The inside is dull and plain, vaguely reminiscent of a hospital and the garden is ugly and full of machinery noise from nearby factories, nothing tranquil or peaceful about it, despite the company director’s assurance.

Meeting a second sufferer, a much younger man in his 40s, Sir Terry is overcome. On the day that the young man dies Pratchett and his omnipresent dictation assistant listen to some of the his favourite music and the sadness is palpable, Pratchett’s emotion hidden behind his Gandalf-esque beard; and when it comes for the moment when Peter chooses to die the emotion evaporates. An eery business arrangement dressed up as care takes place as an old man dies, begging for water. The scene is not one of peace, the ugly little factory house with its fakery and quiet attendants looking on. There is something intensely shocking about this man dying and, although the program makes its case well for freedom of choice, the end result is not the romantic image in this strange little shed in Zurich. A day may come when people can make these choices for themselves in this country, but in a process so alien there must be more we can do to help these people, whether to die peacefully or otherwise.